Why coworkers ignore you

In a workplace setting, abusive coworkers create a hostile work environment. Although difficult to do, ask yourself if you are behaving in ways that may cause your coworkers to flee from you. Take inventory of your habits that may be off-putting.

Have you been talking about people behind their back? Did you get into an argument at a staff meeting? Would others say your brag too much or dominate meetings? Also consider the possibility that your coworkers genuinely like you, but they have more in common with one another. Similarly, they may appear cliquey if they share the same hobbies and party after work while you go home to your family, for example.

Express your interest in having a better working relationship and ask for suggestions on how to make that happen. Instead of repeatedly asking yourself, "why is my colleague ignoring me at work," put it out of your mind.

Go about your business and ignore the person who is ignoring you. He would do things like walk across the building to say hi to me and randomly text me with huge red flags, like complaining about women he worked with in the past, some female prof who gave him a D once, and these were totally random. A few times, he tried to control me to force me to always respond immediately to his emails.

Once when I was microwaving coffee in the break room, he came in really quickly, grabbed a paper towel, wiped the floor, and left without saying anything. There had been nothing to wipe up. He displays alarming untreated OCD behavior and there have been other red flags, like he blamed a minor mishap in the parking lot on my female friend and got mad at her, when it was his fault.

There is a Canadian web site that talks about warning signs for possible violence, and he displays well over half. By Willow Sunstar on Aug 20, I used to sit in the cubical next to her, but moved to the other side of the office a month. I started to ignore her every since. Once day I was in a rush to leave the office for the day and she needed my help on something and I told it would have to wait til the next day.

Not true, she sat on the work the entire day and waited until I was leaving to ask for help. My boss berated me and called me immature, childish, standoffish, bitchy, and rude for not helping her. In some situations, they bring on theirselves with their unprofessional and childish behavior. By Christine on Nov 1, Coworkers are thrown together by necessity, not choice. The advice given by the website assumes that the person being ignored is somehow being wronged.

The letter-writer needs to carefully examine his or her behavior and work product to try to determine if their shortcomings in the workplace are the reason they are being ignored.

By SuzyLee on Jan 3, Regardless of how you feel about others, you need to work with each other to accomplish your goals as a team.

Once you ignore, you cut off all communication and limit your productivity. Having said that, in my current job, I am the ignorer and the ignored. Eventually they came around as I never played their game, continued to be professional, and eventually won their respect. They discovered that I am actually a nice person and good coworker. Recently a temp started ignoring me. I gave her a warm welcome on day one which she responded with warmth. I felt it was a power trip, that she either judged or felt intimidated by me and tried to lift herself up at my expense.

My response: to ignore her back! I felt her discomfort and sense that she had made a mistake. I am nice to everyone and professional, but her mean girl antics do little to inspire my confidence and communicate to me that she is untrustworthy and not worth my time. If she ever approaches me on anything work related, I was be professional. Otherwise, she is dead to me. He ran to the bosses with one of our conversations, attempting to get me fired after he misinterpreted something that was said which he thought was damaging to himself.

Given his proclivity to throw colleagues under a bus, along with his unstable, reactive, back stabbing, self serving nature, I have stopped speaking to him.

Strangely, he used to tell me that other employees he had jokingly boasted about throwing under a bus had stopped talking to him as well. By Lisa on Feb 1, I am dealing with a coworker right now who is ignoring me.

The thing is, I knew it would happen eventually. What happened was, I came back from my lunch hour, put my bag down, grabbed the restroom key and walked out the door. When I came back, she was gone. She approached me, asked me what my problem was, and I was so confused! But before I left for lunch, we were laughing and joking. Every week she is mad at someone for something.

She huffs and puffs and rudely answers the phone. By Bree on Feb 16, Name required. E-mail will not be published required. Dear Office-Politics: the game everyone plays. I highly recommend it! Being Fired. The matters discussed in the letter are reviewed in a summary and abbreviated way and are only meant to foster thinking on the part of the reader. If a person decides to adopt or implement suggestions, they do so at their own risk.

No representation or warranty is provided in relation to suggestions or the contents of the advice letter. Neither the authors of the advice letter, Franke James, John W.

Burton, Rick Brandon, Marty Seldman, Timothy Johnson, Jennifer Glueck Bezoza, Gregory Ketchum, Erika Andersen, past advisers, guest advisers or the owners of this Website accept any liability whatsoever for any opinions expressed in the letter or for errors and omissions.

All submissions to www. No email addresses or identifying names will be published. All rights reserved. As the Game Designer behind the Office-Politics Game, I am going to suggest something a little unconventional… Try this behavioral test for one day: Ignore her.

By Deling with obnoxious coworker on Feb 4, Maybe you deserve to be ignored because you are slow, lazy and overall a weak human being whose existence brings suffering to those around you who have to make up for your lack of work capacity.

By Bmiller on Feb 11, I am fairly new here at this company, I began about 3 months ago. If I need a bit of cheering up I can always text one of my friends a hello… By Ahuvahb on Feb 20, I too am an ignorer.

By Dee on Mar 1, More focus should be on the people who bring you up rather than down. By Michael Alber on Mar 31, I have recently started working for an engineering company in Canada. By Juan on May 6, I am ignoring someone at work. Not to mention, that if people go along with her, her comments and questions escalate. To people being ignored: We are at work to do our jobs, not to be a captive audience for your poor social skills. By Ashley on May 18, Who cares?

I will not approach her or speak with her on it. It is a fight I will not win and will only make my situation worse. I have 8 more weeks and then next year I will be allocated to a new class with a different teacher and different team. I am maintaining my normal demeanour, remaining polite and professional, following instructions to the letter and just doing my best to ignore the rest.

I know the other staff can see it happening. I also know that while she is maintaining her friendly relationship with them, they cannot acknowledge what is happening to me, but I know that they see it.

I have always wanted to be that little bit stronger — to be able to stand up to this type of behaviour. I followed department guidlines in reporting. But I have been so frustrated. I wake up wishing I didnt have to go, wanting to avoid being in the same space, wanting to say something, being scared of saying something.

It sucks. I just hope when it does come around, that she, and all the bullies that came before her, have the conscience and emotional IQ, to recall my name, my face and my fate at their hands, when that time comes.

Good luck to you all. Hang in there. I have worked with a group for the past 10 years. Within the first year I realized my political views and work ethic were very different from those who had worked in this office for years.

These were people I have learned in life that I did not like being around or want to be associated with. So I started focusing on my work and not hanging around them. I did exactly what this article suggested. I sought out others in the organization that had the same kindred spirit and passion for the work as I had.

I have been much happier in doing that and have become successful in my job, being recognized by my organization several times. These people in my office do ignore me now, which does hurt at times. And it does make it difficult to go to work some days. But then I remember and still see the reasons why I chose not to associate with them and know I made the right decision for myself. The M. Ignores me and greets others with alacrity. I feel so poorly — useless, exhausted, inefficient, sad, negative, demoralised, childish, fat only size 12!

Another sleepless night so unburdening my feelings on to this site. Thank you J. I was told a month ago my job was being disestablished, I was shocked as I never saw it coming, I am still here but since that 1st meeting a month ago I am ignored, I have been isolated and given no work on a daily basis, Im hanging in till they actually say times up for financial reasons, its a long 8 hours when the team that you have worked for cant even say good morning, I feel isolated and ignored and its causing extreme sadness and Im losing the will to live,.

But ever since the day she walked in the door, my job has not been the same. Everyday they whisper and keep things from me. I used to be a part of a lot of things in the work place, that now and without being told it was going to happen, I am not. When they are in a goup talking random work or basic life topics, the new girl simply walks out and the others will become disinterested if I speak.

So there is ZERO social love. I am vested in retirement and have a future here, though almost daily now I want to leave. I try to engage people in conversation but nobody has any interest.

I am disabled, but keep my health matters to myself. Really thought this job would be a good idea, but it has backfired big time. People who call in all the time get treated better than those that show up every day like me. At 35, it feels a lot like high school drama. This was my first job straight out of school and over the twenty plus years I spent at this job I accomplished a lot. They were both fond of stirring it up with coworkers and club members.

They became friends with many of our members and a few of the people we worked with. They had to resort to lying about me but it got the job done, I was left out of many events and ignored.

Eventually I felt sick to my stomach every day I had to walk into work. Eventually I moved to our head office and only saw them occasionally but the damage was done. My boss moved to another country but we still worked together for another ten years or so. By the time I was doing graphics work on my own, I also had a part time job working for a mother daughter team.

Every day I had to walk a tightrope because each woman complained about the other and wanted my opinion and take their side. Every day was chaos in their lives and if something went wrong at work I was blamed. Somehow both women were able to ignore this and leave me with the blame. I loved this job and was very upset about being fired for not finding a parcel for a customer that he picked up the day before when I was off. I had to go to the Labor Board to get money owing to me, which is when I decided to find out why I allowed these women to bully me for so long.

In the end I wrote a book about my experience. While I was writing the book I had a part time job repairing watches. The woman who hired me and I got along famously. Then the company decided to promote her and I got a new boss. She treated me like crap from day one. Asking me to come in on my day off with short notice, watching me like a hawk, finding fault in every move I made, not leaving me alone for a second when this was a one person shop.

I did all of it without complaint. This was a one person job, my first boss and I only spent about half an hour together each day, the new boss stated to hang around my entire shift not letting me deal with customers. On my last day, a Saturday she interrupted a customer who knew me to answer a question directed at me. After he left I decided to ask her what was going on, with intention of my quitting.

I was asked to come into a storage room and my new boss handed me a letter that basically said the store was making changes. I contacted head office weeks later and was finally paid what was owing to me months later. Eventually I had a job interview at the same mall with a woman I could tell hated me on sight.

I went through the interview anyway but knew it was a waste of time. I kept an eye on the store after that and found that none of their employees lasted more than a few weeks. They constantly had ads up for this position. I went for another job interview with this company when I noticed that there was now a man in charge and no sign of the nasty woman. He hired me on the spot and was awesome to work with the two weeks he trained me. We ran into each other at shift change and her face said it all.

I told a friend that she would make sure I would be fired. A month later that is exactly what happened. She looks pretty uncomfortable each time our eyes meet. A couple of days after I was fired I left a letter for this woman, basically telling her what I thought of her, which is something I recommend doing.

People who mess with your livelihood for whatever reasons should be called on it. Never saw the man who hired me again, although he was a partner in the company and was the one to fire me. He told me the that I had been a great employee, always on time, had no problem staying late, people liked me, etc. I told both of them what I thought the reason was.

Finding work is hard enough these days, having to deal with all this extra stuff just makes life a lot harder. I have just 2 months in my job. She is not the best leading and giving clear orders and activities. When I told her I needed more direction she told me that with my expertise should I know how to do things and that I was adviced that I should learn quickly.

I know also she gave me that horrible feedback because she wanted me to quit, so I decided to stay, at least until I recieve the final evaluation, because I need my salary. But now she is ignoring me, talking bad about me with others, and not giving me any work, she gives everything to someone junior than me. First of all, you write exceptionally well and seem like a very good person who is trying their best. A higher authority is the only way in which this behaviour can change.

And most higher authorities do not know what to do. You seem like you have a very good handle on this situation. May you be protected as you continue to serve. Thank you for taking the time to reach out. Good article. I work as a contract nurse so this happens to me often. I am competent at what I do. I am friendly and I pretty much like everyone until I am given a reason by the person not to. I am outgoing and being around others, whether it is my patients or co-workers makes me happy.

I probably seem too happy or friendly. I am tired of analyzing it because I have been a target for this more often than I care to admit. I am an attractive woman and I know that because I have frequently received compliments from women about my appearance. They could not possibly know how much I have struggled and how little I have had both monetarily and emotionally in the way of love from any man, woman, friends, father.

Things with mom are a work in progress. I am estranged from my sisters who are also both nurses. I do have a sweet, loving jewel of a daughter, which I believe was the reason God put me here. Other than my daughter, I have never really known true love from a man. Other women see a woman that is attractive and just assume that that the woman has has had it all in life.

I was emotionally abused as a child by my father. This left me with profound feelings of insecurity which has taken a lifetime to heal from. Honestly, I am coming to the realization that one never really heals from this, however, I live with lots of hope and I try not to dwell on this despite the fact that the aftermath continues to slap me on the ass on an almost regular basis. I appear self confident because of my outward physical and emotional appearance of being happy which only exists because I am happy when I go to work to have a purpose that is more important than myself and a meaning that has the possibility of affecting the lives of others in a positive way.

I cannot deny that I am good at what I do. No one would ever know the hell I have been through in my life. Because I was bullied as a kid by my peers and my father, I used to think that there was just something weird about me. If you catch me on an off day, I will admit that those old feelings come rushing back.

That is when I take the time to research my problem and I find articles such as yours that put me back into perspective. I am now dealing with another person that is ignoring me and it is so obvious that she is intentionally keeping me from ,learning the things that I need to know in order to become knowledgeable and successful in my new contract which I have been at now for about a month.

She actually thanks me for my help when I leave which many would consider to be a nice thing to do, however, I know, unfortunately, from brutal experience that this is just one tactic that she us using to make me feel as though I am not really part of the team. She wants me to believe that I am just a welcome stand-in for desperate times only. This woman, you can tell, is someone that has made her job her whole life. Despite the fact that she complains about how hard she works and sends the message that she is overworked, she, I believe, is threatened by new people that enter her domain.

I think she enjoys playing the role of martyr and is likely the reason that the facility is so short staffed. Because she has shown such dedication over the years, I think management really has very little understanding that she is likely the problem instead of the solution. She, with all her dedication and years of seniority has created quite a nice little niche of security and comfort for herself, which I believe she will do everything in her power to protect. She will not allow anyone to become as valued to the facility as she currently believes that she is.

It is so crazy, because I feel, from my experience that she is their greatest liability and is the reason why traveling nurses are necessary for them to begin with. I already anticipate being called into the office of various managers to address complaints and problems that no doubt are the result of her sabotaging me.

Tonight, in fact, I believe that she removed Insulin and other supplies from one of my patients to make me appear to be unorganized and scattered. I remember filling these supplies. She was the only other person that had access to these supplies.. I totally agree with you that the problem is the bully. No doubt about that, however, these type of bullies have gained the trust and faith of their co-workers through many years of experience, which, often, especially with women amounts to deep friendships and understandings about the person that has nothing to do with the job itself; eg: she had some very difficult times in her life that she has shared with her co-workers..

Her fiance left her years ago and she has been alone since. The only thing that she has is her work. Tight relationships form at work and often co-workers, knowing all the dynamics of a co-worker will, no matter what, stand up for the bully because so much history is shared. There are so many issues and dynamics related to these type of situations that I feel that there is only one way to deal with such issues. That is to nip it in the bud by addressing behaviors head on with human resources or management.

I think that as soon as a bullied employee senses that something is off, clear documentation of the issues needs to happen and intervention needs to take place at that time. I believe that this is what is good for the organization and for the bullied employee who needs to be empowered and given the opportunity to do the job they were hired to do. A person should not have to be made to feel as though they need to strategize their way through this mess or have to question their professionalism or abilities to do a job that they know that they are more than competent to do.

This is victimization and re-victimization on so many levels. Management and HR needs to do their job and step in as soon as an employee complaint is made or there is even a suspicion of bullying behavior from an employee. Everyone needs to be able to make a living in a work environment. After-all most of us work so we can feed the faces of our children and ourselves. It is about survival, and, if we are lucky, some degree of job satisfaction.. I have worked my same job for 26 years.

We just got a new boss and she is 30 years old. She is always making me feel useless. She storms by me and ignores me but gets along wonderfully with other workers. I am doing my work well and going the extra mile to help others. I feel like I am an evil person and my depression is at an all time high. My best advice is to fully recognize this for what it is — controlling behaviour — and that you also have the right to decide what you want to do.

When people pull back like you have done without explanation not that you owe one , others tend to wonder why and then try to make up their reason why as they do not have any reason that makes sense to them. And the invited you in and now you have chosen to leave. They may see this as rejection and their gossip is self preservation. That could help to narrow the gap of their possible feelings of rejection. You do not have to feel like you owe them a massive explanation, but a short touch base might help if you are up for it.

Remember, this says a lot more about them than you. All the best in your new job! Reading this article makes me feel better because there are people like me but i feel much more sad cause there are people like me, suffering.. It all started when I just entered to a new company, fresh from graduate university 3 months ago. During the first moment i entered the company, everyone was really nice to me especially these 3 female coworkers who would always invite me to lunch together and always talk together.

The only thing was, they like to gossip, every chance they could, about everyone. A simple smile exchanged in the morning was enough for them, and they went on about their tasks for the day. As the day progressed, if a work-related task had to be communicated, it was just a simple interaction.

Pass the file, hand them the sticky note with the phone call, or explain a customer issue that had to be handled. It was quick, easy, and above all, efficient. I found myself getting more work. However, there were also the social butterflies that, more often than not, thrive on extra communication.

Not having those social interactions with these individuals proved to be a tad more complicated. At first, I would get the odd glance. It was quite clear that they wanted to continue the conversation, both out of curiosity and confusion. I refrained from responding aside from the simple headshake — giving them nothing to satisfy their curiosity.